he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize