If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
