ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
