I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
