another moral hangover. fuck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
