chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
