I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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