I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
