THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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