if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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