fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
