you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
