My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish I only lived at night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
