Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
