I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
