pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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