You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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