i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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