i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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