Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
