You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
