he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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