While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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