He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
