forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
