I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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