This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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