New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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