If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
