This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
