You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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