I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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