Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
