If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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