the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
