Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
