I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
