Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
