making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Randomize
