i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
