If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
