I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
