Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'd cum for enchiladas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
