you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize