SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
