respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
