THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
