I'm drive I can fine osifer
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
