Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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