do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
