I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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