i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
