bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
