so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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