There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
