Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
