just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
