I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
