if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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