Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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