I'm going to jail i love you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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