I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
