its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were trust falling into bushes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
