I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
