On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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