I think my fart just growled at me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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