WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
