i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
