I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize