moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize