im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
