I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
