Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
North Korea, Best Korea!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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